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Sunday, December 10, 2017

Stupid Headlines 121017


Stupid Headlines 121017

It’s time again for
That narrows down the time line
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY

 This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider, sometimes sophomoric comments.

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Miss Russia contestant mocked on Instagram over size of her feet – I suspect those mocking her are flat hand clappers.
Not that there is anything wrong with that!

Sign language interpreter delivered gibberish, confusion at Tampa serial killer news conference – This is not funny, and yet I laughed…I am a bad person.  It made me think of the SNL routine where Garrett Morris would yell the headlines for the hard of hearing.

Michigan candidate suggests ending harassment by voting for someone 'who doesn't have a penis' – If that requires photo confirmation, I’m against it!

Oklahoma police release body cam footage of former state senator caught with underage male – Please be a Democrat, please be a Democrat…CRAP!

Guy takes date for romantic dinner, steals her credit card and laptop – Other than that, he was a complete gentleman.

Washington man tells police Trump told him to fight 'lizard people' – That Trump; now he is an Anti-lizardite.

Outrage as Philly pushes through ban on bulletproof glass in crime-plagued neighborhood shops – I think it is the only fair thing, thieves are at a disadvantage in a stick-up if they can’t shoot the clerks.

New Jersey ice cream shop accused of sexism over cow derriere logo – The shops name is “Dairy Aire” the logo is a cartoon cow with a naked ass.  The complaint was the logo is too sexy.  IT IS A CARTOON, IT IS A COW.  The store is “Dairy Aire” it is a joke.  Have these people every seen Betty Boop?  Now THAT is sexy!

McDonald's employee wearing antlers reportedly suspended for head-butting customer over nuggets – You order from the dollar menu, and you get a buck.

'Obese' squirrel caught stealing candy from New Jersey house – Squirrel was later found in the Passaic River wearing concrete boots.

245-million-year old fossil looks like Darth Vader, scientists say – And a baby fossil nearby looks just like Mark Hamill.


And The FEEL-GOOD Story of the week:

Carjacker pulled his gun on three brothers, cops say. But it wasn’t his gun for long. – I don’t advocate violence, but a dickwad getting a well-deserved ass whipping does make me feel good…is that wrong?

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Come back again next week for more

STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY

Saturday, December 9, 2017

I Don’t Think So

I Don’t Think So
I am generally a wildlife friendly person.  I like the rabbits and squirrels that are in my yard.  I have been a bird lover for years, the Animal Planet is a favorite TV station, and I won’t squish a bug that is outside, or swat a fly that is not bothering me. 
I don’t mind basement spiders too much as long as they keep to their webs.  I don’t like ants and do spray inside and outside regularly to keep them away, but they don’t really creep me out.
These guys, however give me the heebie jeebies!
 Centipedes!
I see one of these guys in my basement from time to time and I can’t rest until I negate him.  They are not easy to dispose of.  They are fast and they head for cover.  Recently I read that you should not kill these insects.  Apparently, they eat smaller insects, are not disease carriers and in general are a homeowner’s friend.
I don’t think so!
For those saying to leave them alone; would you bring them into your home because they are so dang useful? 
I don’t think so.
I realized that if I see one of these creepy crawlers every now and then, many more are in hiding.  That makes me shudder.  I had to do something.
I bought some sticky traps and placed them in various places in the basement.  After a few weeks, most of the traps were empty.  Two were deadly.  One in the storage area caught five of the buggers, and one in the sump pump area caught four.  I tossed those traps and replaced them with new sticky traps.
After two weeks both new traps are empty.
Centipedes in the house?
I don’t think so!

Friday, December 8, 2017

Cooking Cranky Style part three


Cooking Cranky Style part three

Because apparently there are not enough cook books in this world, books by kooks, cooks, crooks and chicks with looks, I am contemplating adding one more…a cook book by a crank, “Cooking Cranky Style.”  A book of Cranky recipes.  Meals that are quick, easy, need no special ingredients and are tasty.  Food that is not special, but that anyone can make. Simple stuff that can be whipped together without extensive shopping, planning and measuring.  Meals that are easy clean ups.

This is part three:

Cranky Chicken salad

Yeah, I know, BORING!  Hey, I said not special, simple and cheap.  Besides, this has a super-secret ingredient.

INGREDIENTS:

Two Chicken breast

Three celery stalks (inside, not those stringy outside stalks)

One large tomato (or two small tomatoes, perhaps three real small tomatoes, or about ten cherry tomatoes.)

Mayo (Does not have to be “Hellman’s”, regardless of what my ex-wives say, mayo is friggin mayo)

Salt/pepper

And the super-secret ingredient shhhh:

A large handful of raisins

Steps:

1.    Grill both breasts till cooked but not so much as to dry out

2.    Have one breast for dinner, save the second to make salad

3.    Remove skin from second breast and chop meat into small chunks (no bigger than ½ inch squares)

4.    Chop celery into quarter inch pieces

5.    Chop ½ tomato into quarter to half inch pieces cut the rest in slices (If you used cherry tomatoes forget the slices)

6.    Add chicken to a bowl and salt and pepper to taste (That means lots of salt and lots of pepper)

7.    Add celery, tomato, raisins with spoonful of Mayo and mix

8.    Add more mayo if all ingredients are not evenly coated

Serve on a bed of lettuce (iceberg, none of that stringy veiny healthy crap) and a half Thomas’s English muffin (Does it have to be Thomas’s?  YES!) and the slices of tomato with a glass of Pinot Grigio*.

Enjoy!

 *This salad does not pare well with chardonnay...as a matter of fact, nothing pares well with chardonnay, chardonnay is swill.